New Day

So we went to portland for thanksgiving!!! it was so much fun!!! it was a long 12 hour drive there and an even longer drive back due to weather!!! but it was a blast to hang out with my dad and Dr. Carole and my wonderful aunt jojo even came down to hang out!!!

Jamison would not stop going and kept giving grandpa hugs and kisses and running around his house! i dont think my dad has smiled that much for that long of a period of time!

we got up and went black friday shopping and jojo stayed home with jamison and they slept lol while we tried to battle the crowds! we got some killer deals though!!! we got josh a shop vac from home depot and it was only 28 dollars!!! and it is a awesome vac not thoughs crappy ones from walmart! it was a killer deal too! and we got some great pjs for jamison on sale and of course clothes too! so i was a specfic shopper on black friday! lol

anyways it was a great time to spend with my family and i wish desperately that either i or they lived closer!!!

but that is not the reason for my post today.

On to the good stuff, i am not really a very spiritual person, i tend to keep those thing private and yet today i feel like i need to share some feelings.

Yesterday night my dear friend came over to do visiting teaching bless her heart and told me of some extremely sad news of a good friend of ours. The friend who for privacy i will not name her was pregnant with her 4th child, they had 3 girls and were thrilled to be finally getting their little boy that they had dreamed about! we all were so extremely excited to hear the news,
well while i was gone enjoying my vacation with my family their family was experiencing a lost, see the baby had a hole in its diaphragm and so all the organs had gone into its lungs and since its lung werent developed obviously there was no saving him. they had to be induced and say goodbye to their little guy!

when i was told this news i was devestated! i seriously was heartbroken! i know the heartbreak of loosing a pregnancy since it has happened to me twice but i dont know the feeling of having to bury your child!!!

so that got me thinking, lately as some know i have been realy up and down about the whole wanting to be pregnant so bad and with every aunt flow visit it is like a stab straight in my heart and i kept thinking why why why we know i can get pregnant sheesh i have been pregnant 3 time before! and so i know it is not that, everyone keeps telling me it will happen when it is suppose to and i have been so down and like yeah freaking right whatever it is science people the lord doesnt just give people babies!

but yesterday night and i laid in bed thinking about this sweet sweet family and the hard time they are facing it made a light bulb go off in my head. i am so focus on me me me me and how i am not pregnant and everything else when it isnt about me at all!!! it is all about the lord and that baby, here i am thinking if i do this and this and this i will for sure get pregnant and it dawned on me that the lord truly does know every little soul that comes into this world and that it is according to his plan and his way and if that soul that is to come to our family isnt ready then as hard as we wish it it wont happen.

and so i hit me like a ton of bricks and i all of a sudden got a rush of warmth and my feelings of resentment and feelings of anger and sadness were lifted i know i will get pregnant again and i know we will continue our family i mean think about it it has only been 3 months since our last loss bodies need to heal! and i know we will get the perfect spirit that is meant to be in our family and maybe i dnt understand what is going on now and why i havent gotten pregnant again but i know i will understand it later!

so this morning i woke up refreshed it is a new day! no more sadness no more worries about is this the month or could i be pregnant or wishing on a star to be pregnant it is a new day to focus on my beautiful family i am blessed with and enjoy every moment i have with my son because he will never be this small again and i dont want to look back and go well if i hadnt moped around so much i wouldnt have missed out on things! so today is a a new day!!!

and to top it off my dear SIL Kellie posted this qoute on her blogged and it was totally meant for me even if she didnt know it!!

"When we put God first all things fall into place or out of our lives" ezra t. benson

it is the perfect quote that i needed this morning!

so here is to putting what matters most in front and letting everything fall into places or out of our lives!