i want to start off by saying i am truely blessed to have such an amazing husband who loves me despite all my flaws! and i have a AMAZING little boy who loves to call me mom and give me kisses and loves to cuddle! we have been so spoiled with him!!!
and i would also like to say that i amd so blessed to have an amazing in law family!!! my mother in law who i love to call mom because that is what she is to me and she is so sweet and caring and knows just what to say and when i need a dt pepsi! lol and the rest of josh's family is so loving and i am truely thankful to be so excepted.
now i have been having a bad day today and i need to let out my thoughts or i am going to go into a deep hole and not come out for a while and for the sanity of my husband and my son i would rather not.
i dont know if everyone knows but josh and i were pregnant, we lost it in fact we lost two seperate pregnancies within a 6 month span, the first on as in may and we lost it at 10 weeks, it was horrible i was so depressed and nothing seemed to make it better i would blame myself and say i over did everything and caused it. the miscarriage was like giving birth all over again!!! i have never felt such pain!!!
the second loss was in august at 5 weeks, this was sadly was easier emotionally because i had already done this before but it still didnt make it any better.
i thought once again what is wrong with me??? why cant i keep the baby? and then i realized that the baby isnt really mine, the baby is the lords and it is kind of on loan while down here so that it can learn and be tested to return back to him.
yes i believe our kids are ours but i believe that the lord gives them to us to watch over so the way i got through this last one is i thought maybe the baby just needed a heartbeat and that was all.
so i was trying to feel upbeat a bit about it. but the reason why i am posting is not to get all this sympathy it is because of late i have many people i know that are getting pregnant and having babies and healthly pregnancies, and i for some reason am having such a hard time with it. i am so happy for them and i couldnt be happier for them and their families! but i seem to have a little envy and question why not me? i have been wanting jamison's sibbling for a while now and so why am i not having healthy pregnancies and everything?
i know because they are having babies isnt why i am not. i know that their bliss has nothing to do with my agony but i still cant help but feel a twinge every time i see someone i know getting pregnant and my wishing desperately that it was me.
well anyways i dont think anyone really reads this it is more for my release i guess but for those people who suffered through this post thanks for listening!
Melisa Osmond: Finding the Power in You
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IN THIS EPISODE YOU’LL LEARN: Description: In this episode, Kelli
interviews motivational influencer Melisa Osmond who discusses the ups and
downs of paren...
2 years ago
4 comments:
Danielle you have every right to feel awful. There is nothing anyone can say that will make a woman feel "better" after having experienced any number of miscarriages.
I just hope that you don't continue to self sabotage, my heart hurts when I think of you putting yourself through that. You have to believe its not your fault.
EVERYTHING happens for a reason, you know that? What's meant to be will ALWAYS find a way. <3
Danielley:
Remember to see the good! I'm not saying this because I have this down yet or b/c you shouldn't be upset when life throws a curve ball at ya-it's b/c happiness doesn't just come, it is a habit, and this is something I've learned.
When life gets hard or things don't go the way we planned it is so, so easy to get tunnel-vision & then we miss out being in the moment and feeling all the good around us. Love ya.
Danielle, we are so sorry to hear about your loses. I think you have such an amazing outlook and are super strong. Our family will keep you guys in our prayers.
oh D! I really have no idea what to say. But all I know is never think there is something wrong with you... You had Jamison and he is beautiful so I know Heavenly Father has a plan for you and your new little one that will come to your family one day. Or if Heavenly Father has different plans for your family it will be PERFECT because whatever he dpes ends up perfect. I am so incredibly sorry that you have felt this way lately. I wish I could be there to just hug you and try to distract you from all thins worry. Just know Heavenly Father has something amazing in store for you and Josh to do. I know that doesn't help at all but it's true. You are such an incredible mom and Heavenly Father knows that to. If this help my mom had a couple of miscarriages and I am number 8 and my sister had 2 and now she has 6 kids. That probably doesn't help either because it is so hard to wait..... but maybe it can give you a little hope. We will be praying for you to have another! I love you and think about you tons. Don't you give up... you thought me that a lot when we lived together just from watching you! I love ya again and I can't wait to see you and your fam again!
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