When life gets to hard to stand.... kneel

I, like most parents i believe, get upset with my kiddos every now and then. when jamison throws a huge fit in the middle of a store over a toy or sucker and me saying NO and him screaming at the tops of his lungs. Or Bauer getting frustrated about the baby gate being up and throwing himself all over the floor till he bleeds. there are moments and days were i get so frustrated i go to my room and scream in my pillow or make a joke about leaving jamison in the store for some one to take him home with them for a while. Since August 31st i have changed my tune, i have tried to kiss my kids more love them harder hug them more and spend every waking moment i can with them. A very dear friend of mine that i have known since high school if not before high school! we went to girls camp together. she actually introduced me to my first real boyfriend, which didnt work out but i dont even know if she rememebers that, but anyways. my good friend Kacie Armitage had to do the hardest thing in the entire earth besides saying good bye to a spouse she had to kiss her baby who was 4 months new goodbye and send her to her heavenly father. Zoe recieved her angel wings after being born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome and artial septal defect. I have followed her journey in this life through kacies blog and her facebook updates falling more and more in love with this litle girl and learning so much about faith and unconditonal love as well as refinding my heavenly father. Since her passing i cant help but be so blessed and thankful for my two little rugrats! i watch as kacie and her husband and sweet 3 yr old struggle with the loss of their daughter and sister. it is hard to be so far away from someone you care for and want to extend help to so badly! i have learned from this girl how fragile life is how eternal my family truely is and how i needed this family and this girl to renew and reground myself in the gospel. i am not perfect by any means and i have ventured far from where i should i make excuses for things and reason why i should or havent done this or that reasons to not do family prayer or scripture study or family home evening reasons that now seem so idiotic! this little girl and her family have helped to recenter myself where i need to be to constantly lean on my heavenly father and when things seem way to hard to stand anymore to kneel for help and guidence. i know that in no way does this make her passing any easier for them or anything but it is a way for me to thank them seriously! every time i kiss my boys more each day laugh at the little things and brush off the stress of spilled milk or toilet seats up or pee on the floor i think of zoe and of kacie and i smile and hug my boys harder and thank my lucky stars they are still here with me and that i can hug them daily! thank you Zoe Grace Armitage for centering me back where i need to be! you are truely loved and missed!